Some never see or feel it.. that moment when you see your parents as people and not as an expectation. When you see their journey of the highs and lows that brought them to that point where you can understand their strengths and flaws. If you are empathic, you forgive them and work on ways to let the trauma go on your own (if you have that issue). Some hold on to the anger, misery, or abandonment not realizing they are projecting unto others the things they hated about their own experiences. This is a general way of looking at it because many people go through it. The expectations placed on being a great parent spreads like a virus from one generation to the next. When in reality there are few opportunities for real guidance or healing for oneself in place. Our society places little effort into trauma based healing. There are many that stop the cycle on their own, but it takes so much toll on the soul.
My Biological Father passed four years ago today and it’s an awkward mourning mixed with forgiving, happiness, understanding, thankfulness, and healing from the loss and clearing the last residue of pain in our relationship. My Father, even in death, has taught me to see parents and family without expectations. I accept them as they are, but there is no obligation to be a part of their lives when it is not congruent with mine. I am happier in the absence and more free to process at my pace. It has all taught me to be a better parent in helping my child through tough times and hopefully stopping cycles that he will conquer when and if he chooses to become a parent. With that unbeknownst to my Father, he was a great and grueling teacher and I am thankful for the lesson and ability to accept it . Rest in Peace.
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